That Floating Excrement Was Way Too Meaningful! These Are the Television Disappointments of the Year.

As we consider the TV offerings of the past year, a selection of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. From cringe-inducing spin-offs to bafflingly poor documentaries, here are the productions that left us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.

And Just Like That

How to start with this divisive follow-up? Burdened with dreadful scripts, cringe-inducing character development (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the show fought to justify its existence. Briefly, as the third season began, it seemed as if it had at last hit its stride. Then arrived an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the showrunner announced this would be the final series. It concluded on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was just way too symbolic. Still, fans undeniably had a hoot picking apart every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a little sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? Of course she can’t.’

But that was practically the least of this show's issues. The subject of a very rare no-star assessment, it was difficult to know where to begin listing the flaws. The hilariously wooden writing? The tedious glorification of wealth and materialism? The almost wilful parade of tropes? Performances so bad they felt almost spiteful? Suffice it to say “each and every one” and never speak of this series again. However, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re likely going to have to.

The Charlie Sheen Documentary

Considering the restraining orders, abuse claims and fatherly shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d truly have gleaned it from this multi-part docuseries which chuckled along at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless hedonism while failing to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any sympathy this show might induce should be saved for the people who have had to endure close contact with this charming but flippant narcissist.

The Supercomputer Drama

Naturally we understood it was ridiculous from the get-go: a drama about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or destroy all of humanity. We persevered out of pure admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One scarcely reacted when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. Talk about admitting defeat.

The Gangster Drama

Dodgy figures convening in empty boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its gangland drama back.

Actually, that is harsh on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many seem a little dated now, but at least they didn’t suffer the embarrassment of having to indulge unconvincing dialects. But there were plenty of other problems. Mainly that it was just really dull; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various London picaresques which seemed a bit basic.

With Love, Meghan

Given the degree to which she grinds the gears of the nation’s ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s temptingly easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into quaint lifestyle as deliberate provocations. But then you view them and are compelled to concede that in this case, they may have a point. It’s like watching a homeware catalogue animated; a meme for evening drinks with ideas of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, buzzing beehives, sentimental sayings and pointless crafting “hacks” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by vast, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are obviously interesting things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her struggles with vocation, self-image, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this three-part series chose not to explore them. Rather, the viewing was akin to consuming a marketing catalogue. She obviously has good reason to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But unfortunately, she failed to do herself any helps with this guarded letdown of a series.

The Inheritance

It should have been the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her estate. What more could you ask for? As players competed, there was plenty of betrayal and arguing. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too complicated to detail what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up smelling of a programme that was straining desperately to emulate something far greater than it.

Too Much

How does one succeed a show that defined a generation? The pressure was immense for this glitzy romcom about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very slick and, ironically, was not enough. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity cameos involved felt uncomfortable.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the shrewd recruitment of gifted younger comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a one-note joke milked to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar irate mode. The writing room sketches, in contrast, simply inspired the thought that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This retelling of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The subject matter needed to be treated with care. Instead, the series laboured awkwardly to find the right tone, lurching from strangely breezy, slightly stylised farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Complex? Perhaps. A complete mess? Absolutely.

Prime Target

We admire the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so smart he’s on the brink of a discovery that could destabilise society? No! This international thriller about government agencies targeting – and eliminating – intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This hagiography followed the online personality renowned for explicit exploits as she undertook her most extreme challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was way more examination of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the queue. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who showed up to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was horrific shots and absolutely no interrogation of her notoriety whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a young daughter too.